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Relationship Guide
Because We Can
When long-awaited options suddenly become real, confusion may strike. This thing you’ve been hoping for, this possibility that seemed so remote…when it appears, how can you not jump on it in a flash? Denial feeds the appetite and, when what’s been denied forever has been a fundamental right enjoyed by a great many people in your acquaintance, it’s too tempting. You almost shut off thought in your rush to claim what’s yours.
This is a concern with the legalization of gay marriage coming over the horizon. We face issues far more tricky than those dealt with by our straight friends. They’ve only ever had to confront the normal apprehensions when planning their unions: is the love real, is it real enough, can I be with this person forever, etc. The beast in the corner of the room glaring at us is a different and scarier creature. It’s the nearly irresistible allure of the suddenly possible, combined with the understandable anxiety of just how long will this be there for us.
So, let’s face the beast. As for the latter-mentioned fangs it sports of trusting the duration of the change – think about it. Yes, laws change. But the nullification of the ban on gay marriage is far removed from the messier debates over women’s rights regarding reproduction, the treatment of war prisoners and other such hotbeds, because it isn’t so much a granting of a right as it is the removal of an unjust stumbling block. And, historically, widespread changes on that order usually don’t go anywhere once they’re set in ink.
The claws of the beast are another matter, and they’re that temptation referred to. Marriage between men is legal? No kidding? All at once your relationship takes on new meaning. The partner with whom you were developing a committed pairing may now appear either too perfect to not marry, or not nearly good enough for the long haul currently out there for the taking. The opening up of our right to marry adds an urgency to our most intimate – and often unsettled – relations. It can be…well, a trap.
All you need do is, ironically, forget about this revolutionary amendment. To a degree. Concentrate on what and who you have as the man he is. The shifting of the law in our favor actually gives us an advantage the straight world has never known. Always having had the right to wed, they never had to examine the whys and wherefores of the potential as we must. Which leads to another irony: how odd, that a part of society so long viewed as flippant and careless will be the ones – and I’m confident of this – giving the state of marriage the due thought and consideration it deserves.
Yes, we can, or we surely will be able to all over the place. Just keep your focus on what it’s all about and has always been all about. Him. We’ve waited way too long and fought way too hard to lightly enter into so glorious a new land.
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Dating Advice
Common Mistake
Contrary to popular opinion, a movie is NOT a very good first date. You put yourself in a place where you’re actually learning things about him with no prelude: the way he reacts, laughs at what you’re not laughing at, isn’t moved when you are, etc., etc.
On the flip side, you’re tempted to play it cool as you sit beside him in the dark, as maybe he is. You’re both afraid of revealing too much by the way you respond to what’s on the screen, or nerves compel you to over-react. There’s just no foundation here and being silent in the dark with anyone requires a foundation.
The movies aren’t going anywhere. Get some coffee and get acquainted first. And consider the more freeing advantages to a home viewing of a DVD when it’s time.
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Quick Tips
Safety and Honesty Online
Take honesty to the next level on myPartner.com! Our new feature, powered by Honesty Online, is an optional background check that you can do to have your profile certified, letting other users know that you are who you say you are and that you are not a criminal. Your security and safety in the online dating environment has always been a top concern here at myPartner.com.
This new feature is one more ways myPartner.com is creating an online community that provides a "clean, well lighted place" for gay dating and the best place for you to find your perfect partner. To access this feature, simply log in to your account and click the following left-hand link: Get Honesty Online Certified.
Don't forget, you can also Verify Your Photos! Premium Members can now have their profile photos verified by our staff. Simply log in to your account and visit Profile Management. Check off "Verification", Save and Update, and follow the instructions!
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Did You Know?
Top Conversation Killers
Top Conversation Killers for myPartner members on 1st dates:
Overwhelmingly the number 1 killer (52%) of conversations on a 1st date is Past Relationships…so guys, leave the past in the past and focus on who’s in front of you!
Next is Politics with 23% of the vote.
The third biggest conversation killler for myPartner members is Dieting/Working Out 13%.
The final two conversation killers on a first date are Commitment/Monogamy at 8% and Career/Employment topics at only 4%
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